
A Frat Initiation 


Louise Boyce Murphy 


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A Frat Initiation 


A College Sketch 


BY 

LOUISE BOYCE MURPHY 

II 



PHILADELPHIA 

THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 
1909 



Copyright 1909 by The Penn Publishing Company 


A Frat Initiation 




A Frat Initiation 


CAST OF CHARACTERS 


Robert Hinton 

Jack Leslie . 
Molly Stuart 


Lord High Mo7ik-de-Monk of 
Sigma Delta Frateriiity. 
. . . . a goat. 

. . one of the best ever. 


Time. —Present. 

Place. —Drawing-room of Stuart residence. 


COSTUMES 

Hinton. Loudly dressed in the height of college fashion. 

Leslie. Old-fashioned evening suit with large brass 
buttons, big colored vest and very wide trousers, so 
short that they flap about his ankles. White socks and 
large low shoes. 

Molly. Chic afternoon costume or street dress. 

Time in Representation :—Thirty minutes. 


3 












A Frat Initiation 


SCENE.— Handsbmely furnished drawing-room of the 
Stuart residence. Boxed set. Entrances r. , L. and c. in 
fiat. Windows r. and l. with c. door. Table c., piano 
up l., sofa r. with pillows heaped upon it. Chairs about 
roojn. Mantelpiece with clock and vases down l. 

(Enter Hinton and Leslie, door c. Leslie is very nervous 
and visibly embarrassed.') 

Hinton. Well! Here we are ! How do you like your 
new quarters ? Nice looking place, eh ? 

Leslie. Yes. 

Hinton. What ? 

Leslie. Yes—sir. 

Hinton. Don’t forget yourself again. Always say 
“ sir ” when addressing your superiors ! Now, listen to me 
—you are James, the new butler, you come well recom¬ 
mended from my uncle. You are to stay here in service 
exactly one hour. It is now ( consults watch) four o’clock. 
At five your duties will be over and you will be free. If 
you conduct yourself according to my orders you will be 
initiated into the grand and ancient order of the Sigma 
Delta Fraternity. Now don’t forget—your boss will be here 
presently and you’ll receive your orders from her. Stand 
out, let me look at you ! (Leslie stands forward sullenly. 
Hinton roars with laughter.) Well, you aren’t half bad, 
by Jove ! You’re all to the pantry ! 

Leslie ( pulls at trousers). Well, not to this pair ! 
Hinton ( assuming a stern air). Come here ! (Leslie 
stands meekly before him.) Don’t you know that butlers 
never part their hair that way ? Bend your head ! (Leslie 
bows head.) I must have something to part it with! 

5 



6 


A FRAT INITIATION 


{Looks aroutul room.) Here we are ! ( Seizes paper knife 

from desk, and a hearth broom from fireplace. Parts 
Leslie’s hair down middle with knife and brushes it vigor¬ 
ously with broom.) You should call your hair down, my 
boy. 

Leslie ( stifled tones). Why ? 

Hinton. Because it won’t stay down any other way. 
I’ve got to find something to make it. 

{Looks around again , tipping vases to see if they contain 
water.) 

Leslie {mock-tragic tones). I’d rather bow my head 
’neath the humiliation of a mutilation than the shame of a 
lie ! 

Hinton. Shut up! {Fumbles about desk.) Ah, the 
very thing ! [Holds up large jar of library paste.) 

Leslie. Oh, slush ! man !- 

Hinton. Shut up, Isay! Sure it’s slush! {Heplas¬ 
ters Leslie’s hair down with paste.) There you are—a 
thing of beauty and a joy forever ! I like to see a man who 
hasn’t a well-balanced head part his hair in the middle ! 

Leslie. By George ! Bob—this is too bad ! 

Hinton. You object, do you? 

Leslie. No—sir ! 

Hinton. I should think not! I’m going now, but re¬ 
member—I have an eye on you—the slightest infringement 
of your duties will be attended by dire results ! 

{Exit Hinton, c.) 

Leslie. I feel like a bally ass in this get-up ! I’d chuck 
it all in a minute if it weren’t for the Frat. To look at me 
any one would think I’d a lovely bun on ! I hope there’re 
no young ladies in this bunch! {Sits down, feels in 
pockets.) Not even a smoke! {Sighs.) That was a 
stunning-looking girl I met on the avenue yesterday—slick 
dresser too—some class to her ! I wonder who she is. 
Thank heaven she didn’t see me selling peanuts on the 
corner ! I’d hate to appear ridiculous before her. She 
• was with George Lewis. I’ll get him to introduce me when 
I get out of this mess. And as soon as I do—I won’t get 
square with Hinton! oh, no! ( Gets up, swings fist at 



A FRAT INITIATION 7 

imaginary enemy .) I’ll send him to the hospital for a 
while. That’s all! 

(Enter Molly, l.) 

Molly. Why, what are you doing here ? 

Leslie {aside). By Jove ! The stunner ! 

I’m the new butler, miss. 

Molly. Oh, indeed ! You come from — 

Leslie. Colonel Hinton, miss. {Aside.) 

Molly. You have recommendations ? 

Leslie. Yes, miss. 

{Fumbles wildly in pocket and produces letter. Molly 
reads.) 

Molly. This says you are honest and reliable but 
stupid. I will give you a trial, at any rate. Your duties 
will be light—serve luncheon and dinner—attend the door, 
and be at hand whenever I want you. Can you do this ? 

Leslie {aside). Can I? This isn’t so bad. I’m en¬ 
gaged to her. {To Molly.) Yes, miss. 

Molly. Very well. {Bell rings.) There is the bell 
now. Go to the door, James. {Exit Leslie.) What a 
nice-looking fellow, but what a ridiculous garb ! His face 
seems familiar, too. Where could I have seen him before ? 

{Enter Hinton, followed by Leslie.) 

Hinton. Hello, sweet potato! {To Leslie.) Hat! 
{Throws him had.) Stick! {Throws him stick.) Coat! 
{Throws him coat. Leslie puts them on hat-rack in hall.) 
Who let that in ? He looks like ten cents’ worth of heaven 
help us ! 

Molly. Oh, that’s our new butler ! He came very well 
recommended from your uncle’s house ! 

Hinton. Oh, he buttles all right—but isn’t much for 
looks—a sad bird ! 

Molly. Why, I think he is remarkably handsome for a 
man of his class. He looks like a Gibson man ! 

Hinton. Yes, but a bit moth-eaten. {To Leslie.) 
Here, you petrified mummy ! Did you put my hat and 
stick safely away ? 


{To Molly.) 


I’m lost! 



8 


A FRAT INITIATION 


(Molly goes l. to mantlepiece and rearranges vases.) 

Leslie. Yes, sir. 

Hinton. There’s some dust on my shoe. Down on 
your knees, varlet, and remove it! (Leslie goes down on 
his knees and dusts Hinton’s shoes carefully .) And 
harkee— ( whispers ) at the end of every sentence you speak, 
buzz like a bumblebee ! 

Leslie. For heaven’s sake, old man ! Draw it mild ! 
You’ve queered me with that girl for good ! 

Hinton ( significantly ). To be a bee or not to be a bee, 
that is the question ! (Leslie buzzes. ) What do you care? 
You never saw her before. 

Leslie. No, but I want to see her again. Buzz-zz. 

Hinton. Nonsense ! It’s only for two hours. 

Leslie (aside). If I don’t break your head for this!— 
Buzz-zz. 

Molly ( coming c., to Hinton). What a peculiar noise 
James makes. What is the matter with him—did he do that 
at your uncle’s house ? 

Hinton. Oh, yes. You see the poor fellow isn’t very 
bright. Whenever he is especially pleased he always makes 
that noise. Like a cat’s purring, don’t you know. 

Molly. Oh, I knew he did it for some purr-pose. 

Hinton. He’s a bully dancer. You ought to see him 
do the Highland fling. 

Molly. Why, he doesn’t look like a dancer. 

Hinton. You ought to see him. 

Molly. Ask him to dance for us. 

Hinton ( to Leslie). James, your mistress wants to see 
you dance. 

Leslie. I can’t dance. Buzz-zz. 

Molly ( 'disappointed ). Oh ! 

Hinton. Oh, he’ll do it all right; he’s just modest. 
You have to coax him. ( To Leslie, in an undertone.) 
Dance, you dog ! 

Leslie. Look here ! I can’t dance. 

(Hinton looks at him threateningly , and he co7n?7iences to 
hop wildly about the stage.) 

Hinton {roughly). That will do! (To Molly.) Pretty 
slick, eh? 


A FRAT INITIATION 9 

Molly {laughing). Why, he can’t dance. He looked 
like a grasshopper in a fit! 

Hinton. Ah, but you should hear him sing. 

Molly. So accomplished ? 

Hinton. He is a treasure, I assure you. 

Molly. Do have him sing. 

Hinton. His songs are like his dancing—quite original! 
(To Leslie.) Sing your wash list to the tune of “ Dixie.” 
(Leslie hesitates.) Go on ! 

Leslie {singing). Six shirts—ten collars—one white vest 
—twelve socks- 

Molly {putting hands over ears). Mercy ! 

Hinton {to Leslie). Don’t you know when to 
stop? We didn’t ask you to sing all night. (To 
Molly.) He is very vain ; perhaps we encouraged him 
too much. 

Molly. He was perfectly killing ! But I don’t think I 
could have stood much more. 

Hinton. We’ll let him rest a while. Say, Molly, is 
your cousin coming up for the hop Monday night? 

Molly. Yes. Don’t you remember you said you’d have 
your friend, Jack Leslie, take her. When are you going to 
introduce him to me? 

Hinton (to Leslie). Don’t leave the room until I tell 
you to ! (To Molly.) I don’t know that you’d care to 
meet him, Molly. He doesn’t shine in society—“ain’t 
never went out much ”—you know. 

Molly. Why, I heard he was charming. Sue said he 
wore dandy clothes and had the best-looking feet and 
ankles ! 

Hinton. He ought to walk on his head, then. 

Molly. He isn’t handsome? 

Hinton. No. His features are good, but he has a very 
silly expression. 

Molly. Poor fellow ! Born that way, I suppose. 

Hinton. Yes, and had a relapse. 

Molly. But I heard he was awfully smart and sure to 
get his diploma. 

Hinton. He’s already taken one degree. 

Molly. What is that ? 

Hinton. A. S. S. 

Leslie (aside). Oh, to be free ! 

Hinton (to Leslie). You’re the goat all right, but don’t 



10 


A FRAT INITIATION 


butt in! (To Molly.) Well, I must be going. Don’t 
forget our drive to-night, Molly. 

Molly. Will the moon be full? 

Hinton. No, but it’ll have a pretty good jag on. 
( Clock strikes .) Five o’clock ! 

Leslie. And I am free ! Miss Stuart, I want to explain 
my presence here in this absurd masquerade. I am not a 
butler; I have never served any one in my life but you, and 
I never intend to. I- 

Molly (to Hinton). Is he crazy? 

Leslie. No, but I will be if I don’t get this affair 
straight! 

Hinton. He’s perfectly sane; just subject to little fits 
of excitement. 

Molly. Really, James- 

Leslie. Miss Stuart, my name is Jack Leslie. I am a 
student at the college, and a pledge Sigma Delta. Heaven 
only knows what I have suffered this week. I’ve scrambled 
like an egg—developed like a film—sewed like a sewing- 
machine—and even sold peanuts on the corner ! This ab¬ 
surd bit of folly was a part of my initiation, and that scoun¬ 
drel, Bob Hinton, was here to see it through. I hope you 
will not consider it a piece of impertinence. I was forced 
to come here in the first place; but I want to say that if I 
ever get another chance—wild horses couldn’t drag me 
away ! 

Hinton. Draw it mild, Jack, draw it mild ! 

Leslie. As for you, Bob Hinton—by Jove !—if I don’t 
make a punching-bag of your head ! Oh, you’ll be the 
woozey one, all right! Excuse me, Miss Stuart, but I can’t 
help being a bit hot. I only hope to prove to you that I am 
not quite as big a fool as I look. 

Hinton. Impossible! 

Leslie. That will do for you, old boy ! 

Molly. Oh, it has been lovely—to think that I have 
helped in a real initiation—how the girls will envy me ! 

Leslie. Then you forgive me? 

Molly. Of course. I’ve always wanted to meet you, 
you know, and this was so delightfully unconventional. 

Leslie. I think, Bob, you ought to grant me a favor. 

Hinton. All right. What is it? 

Leslie. Let me take Miss Stuart to the hop. 

Molly. And you can take my cousin. 



A FRAT INITIATION 


II 


Hinton. I yield to superior force. 

Leslie (to Molly). It’s a go? 

Molly. Yes. (They clasp hands.) 

Hinton. Bless you, my children! Jack, old sport, it 
was pretty hard, but I had to go through the same thing 
myself; besides, I think the honor of Molly’s friendship is 
ample reward. I congratulate you, brother in Sigma Delta ! 

(They clasp hands.) 


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